White men, Asian women

This is a followup to my previous post where I pointed out that interracial couples in which the man is white and the woman Asian are pretty common in the United States.

I guesstimate that about 20% of Asian women prefer to date white men. For example, I once dated an Asian woman who said that she only dates white men.

Some people try to explain why white men prefer Asian women, but I don't think that line if inquiry yields anything but mostly bogus generalizations. If white men have no preference for white or Asian women, but 20% of Asian women have a clear preference for white men, then that's all that's needed to explain the mixed race couples.

I noted in my last post that Asian women who like white men often have a preference for men who are educated, introverted, and have stable careers (often in IT). White women don't have a preference for this type of man, so a man who fits this category will have better luck with Asian women and this is probably the real reason for why many white men are involved in an interracial relationships.

Asian men are hurt the most by interracial dating. Very few white women are interested in dating Asian men, and with 20% of Asian women not interested in them either, many Asian men in the United States are doomed to bachelorhood.

Comments

[Blue]

There is a large section of males who do not see women of Asian ancestory as being other than white.

[mikeca]

First of all, Asian women are not a monolithic group. There are Japanese women, Chinese women from the mainland, Chinese women from Taiwan, Chinese women from Singapore, Korean women, Vietnamese women, Thai women, Philippino women, … These women all come from different cultures and have somewhat different attitudes.

Before I got married I had several white girl friends, a Vietnamese girl friend and I married a Chinese women from Taiwan. It is true that some Asian women prefer white boy friends/husbands, but it is mainly because of stereotypes of how Asian men treat their girl friends/wives. To these Asian women the stereotype is that white men treat their girl friend/wife as more of an equal partner, while Asian men treat their girl friend/wife as more subservient to them. In some Asian societies it is also considered acceptable for men to have mistresses, and many successful men do. Of course many successful white men here have mistresses too, it’s just not considered as acceptable, and the wife can seek a divorce here.

The Asian women I dated, while they all wanted careers, wanted to get married too. The white women I dated wanted to wait until they were older before seriously thinking about marriage. Now this is a small sample, and probably highly biased.

The company I work at now has many Indian software engineers, mostly male. The last few years there has been a reverse migration of software engineers back to India, because relative to the cost of living, a software engineer’s salary in India is much higher than in the US. It is almost exclusively single male engineers that are going back to India. There are no women software engineers that have gone back. I asked one of the married engineers why he had not gone back. He said he wanted to, but his wife would not stand for it. Women have more opportunities and freedom in the US than they do in India. He said it is almost impossible for a married Indian engineer to persuade his wife to go back to India, even though on a software engineer’s salary in India they could afford to have servants that would do all the housework.

[Christina]

I noted in my last post that Asian women who like white men often have a preference for men who are educated, introverted, and have stable careers (often in IT). White women don't have a preference for this type of man.

WTF! Really, let me state that again. WTF! The only women that don't want men who are educated, introverted, and have stable careers are women that are a) uneducated, b) wildly unpredictable and c) poor.

While obviously my points a, b and c are generalizations, your comment about white women was the most ignorant I've seen in ages.

[Greg]

I'm educated, introverted and have a stable career, but no women have come calling. :( Actually the reason I heard Asian women were desired by men of other ethnicities was because they are, um, more "unusual" sexually. Admittedly this came from a white girl with several Asian roommates and they all dated black men, but it's all I've heard.

[Karen]

Actually the reason I heard Asian women were desired by men of other ethnicities was because they are, um, more "unusual" sexually. Admittedly this came from a white girl with several Asian roommates and they all dated black men, but it's all I've heard.

That's more of a myth, I would say.

a) One of my best friends lived in South Korea for a few years. She said foreign men went ga-ga over the Korean girls for a while, but soon found they were lousy in the sack. They just lie there because it isn't ladylike to enjoy sex or to want it. I wouldn't consider that sexually "unusual" in a desirable way.

b) More than half of my Asian girlfriends/acquaintances are... well, inexperienced, shy, and sometimes downright virginal. Is that unusual in a desirable way?

c) Men that I've talked to have admitted they like Asian girls because i) they look younger than their real age, ii) they perceive them as being demure, chaste, and obedient, iii) the skin, hair, and features are exotic. I would credit these perceptions as being a stronger cause of the sexual desirability of Asian women (if any, and beyond the basic fact that they are women.)

Finally, Asian women *tend* to be shorter and smaller-framed. Very recognizably female (or non-male, at least.) I'd say that most heterosexual men are attracted to someone who is recognizably female over someone who is of ambiguous appearance.)

[bex]

This is all very amusing. I'm an Asian-American woman, and I agree with both mikeca and Christina. I can see how Asian women prefer white men over Asian men (I do not include Asian-American men under the heading "Asian") because they'd be treated as equal partners in the relationship. And it's bizarre, not to mention downright wrong, to say that white women don't want educated men who have stable careers. Almost all women want that.

As far as being unusual sexually ... sigh. Yet another misguided and potentially damaging Western myth. Not all of us want to walk on your backs with our dainty (ha!) feet.

[ThrillerInManilla]

I am attracted to Asian women because even the average to plain looking women look very good. With white women there are the complete babes who are totally self absorbed - the mediocre ones who, if you spend enough time with, can seem very special and make a fine mate, the nut cases and the ... well... to be blunt, fat and/or ugly ones. Very very rare indeed are the total babes who are also excellent people.

That being said, many asian women (Chinese in particular but most others) will cut your throat as soon as look at you should 'bumps' in the road (say job status - financial troubles, etc) occur.

Of course all of the above is limited to my vast adventures with women from all over the globe... no ... really, I'm serious.

[Kenny]

Re: White women don't want Asian men.

First of all, your statistic about 20% of Asian women preferring white men is wrong. An actual survey was done a couple of years ago of Asian-American women and it concluded that 3% of Asian-American prefer white men, 20 something percent don't care, and the vast majority prefer Asian men.

Also, I'm an Asian man that studied abroad in Europe, and every Asian guy that was like 5'8" and above had a cult-like following of European women. I don't know what it is. But the European women were clamoring over Asian men when I was there, including myself. And there were some BEAUTIES among them. They blow the typical slutty-looking American woman away with their wardrobe and style: very very sexy in a classy way.

[Karen]

Kenny - the 20% figure was a guesstimate, not a statistic. It says so in the same sentence.

Good for you that the European BEAUTIES adore you. My Asian male friends and acquaintances all come in at around 5'5 or 5'6 - too short for the cult following you describe. Their heights are fairly representative of Asian men - I've only met one Asian man who topped 6 feet.

I asked one of my buddies why he's never dated a white woman. He said they just aren't interested... he's too short. So if you're saying Asian men of above-average height do well in Europe... That's not something that helps the bulk of Asian men - those with average or shorter height.

Did you mean to say that the typical American woman is slutty-looking? Or were you referring to *some* American women that look slutty? The first would be a very unkind generalization.

[Libertarian Man of Mystery]

The study cited above by Kenny, if true, is eerily similar to my 20% guess, so long as we make the assumption that the majority of the 20% who said they don't care about race actually preferred white men but they didn't say that because they thought it was politically incorrect to prefer white men.

[kathy]

i am an asian female dating a white male. people are right when they say that i may be submissive ect... i do his laundry or cook for him... but i definately speak up when is needed. and as for him, he has told me that all his white girlfriends are spoiled and don't appreciate him as i do. and that is most likely due to the asian male stereotype i have developed where they are too dominating and take us forgranted. i guess it all comes down to appreciation.

[Andy]

I think some of the asian women that dates white guys have the same stereotype for asian males like kathy. It is because of hollywood that makes asian males look bad. Just like the movie joy luck club. It shows all the asian male treating their wife bad and all they care is having a son. So that's why all the asian girl in the movie marry white guys. I didn't watch the whole movie because I was pretty mad about it but my friend told me that at the end, the white husband cheated on the asian wife but the asian wife still stay with him. So what does that show? That really makes the asian female look bad. I'm an asian male and movies like this really hurts all of us. And one more thing. For any asian people that date white people, do they ever think what will their children will become? Will they become more asian or more white?

[Karen]

Andy, in the Joy Luck Club BOOK (which the movie is based on), the woman whose white husband cheats on her doesn't stay with him. People of Asian descent are underrepresented in the media/entertainment industry, so I will agree that any depiction leaves an impression.

Does it matter if a child looks more Asian or more white? Does it matter if the child's attitudes and values are more Asian or more Westernized? Is a white person obligated to produce white offspring only? As an Asian woman am I obligated to have children with Asian men only? No, no, no, and no. Anyone, white or non-white, who would treat a bi-racial child as inferior to an all-white or all-Asian child certainly makes themselves look very, very bad.

[Tiffany]

I would have to agree with some comments made earlier. I have noticed that not only some of the wealthiest white men date/marry Asian women, but they can be the best looking. I am not sure what the quality is, but white men respect and value Asian women more than a White women of similar personality.

[Rick]

I am Chinese American and I would say 80-90% of all women that I have been with have been white. But I date all kinds of women and because of my location, most girls happen to be white. One can not go around and pick and choose races these days IMO.

With that said, there are some Asian American women who are in the same situation that I am in, where the men she meets happen to be white. However, there are a substantial number of Asian women who simply have racial issues of self denial. These women grew up in America where the ideal man is white or black and the stereotypes that the media imposes on us Asian men doesn't help much either, so many of them disconnect from their roots on purpose to basically become "white".

I've known some of these Asian girls myself and I can't help but to feel sorry for them because they will forever have this racial complex in them, no matter how white she is trying to become.

[Karen]

I'm one of those self-deniers that you mention, Andy. I "disconnected" from my roots partially because I live in a white-dominated country where sometimes it was easier to take what was readily available (making friends with someone who was white, eating "white people food") than to search specifically for a traditional Chinese equivalent (a traditional-Chinese friend, Chinese food.)

I have also embraced "white" North American culture because I feel it has more to offer me. My Chinese parents and their Chinese friends preached (and pressured their children for) hard work, materialism, and conformity above all else. I needed to be quiet and ladylike, get my PhD in a technical field, obey my parents' wishes, and get married while in my early/mid 20s to a Chinese doctor/lawyer/highly-paid I.T. professional.

The white friends of my parents, my white friends (and their parents) and the white North American media/entertainment industry (which the Asian N-A media/ent industry does not rival) encouraged different things. Being outspoken and assertive was better tolerated and sometimes admired. Not having a doctorate in a technical field wasn't seen as being a serious character flaw. Flouting parental authority was glamourized. :) Being single was a little more acceptable - especially if you had fun doing it. And it was normal to marry someone for love (versus always for prestige, money, and what the neighbours think.)

So I chose to feel like an outsider to my ethnic heritage but to enjoy the life I live... Versus being part of my ethnic heritage but disliking the life I live. It was a little more complicated than being convinced by the media that white/black men are simply superior to asian men. It was my first hand experience that white North American attitudes encouraged me to be more true to myself and equal to any man versus Chinese North American attitudes encouraging me to conform and be regarded as inferior to a man.

[Rick]

Save the bullshit..
The reason asian women like white men is the same reason why white women like black men.Honestly who would see a black male attractive, no one with a clean mind. It's all about sex my friends and it's normal because as humans we can control everything sexually so it's no longer a fear to have a interracial baby just take the pill. From the porns I have seen and from what my asian female friends tell me asian men are hung like 6 year old white boys. White men are 9.9 times out of 10 taller, broader, and unique*(as in white guys don't all have black hair with black/brown eyes they all are different physically) Plus white guys now a days not only work but are also house husbands.
-Peace out
Rick

[Karen]

It's not bullshit that a woman might appreciate a man who "now a days not only work but are also house husbands." If no asian men are interested in doing this, they're certainly lacking a "feature" compared to men who will.

I've befriended and dated very attractive black men. Gorgeous just to look at, with their clothes on. I've never seen the penis of an asian man or a six year-old white boy, so I can't say that first-hand experience has affected my choice in dating partners. Frankly, if the girls you know are only interested in the size of a man's penis, I don't consider them especially worthwhile companions.

Finally, the reasons you think are behind people's behaviour are not always the real reasons. Unless you have tried being an asian female, don't presume that my experiences being one are "bullshit" or untrue.

[Jessica]

Some of the things being said here are absolutely ridiculous. First of all, WHITE is not a universal term applied to anyone with light skin describing their varying cultures, locations and viewpoints, just like the term ASIAN does not describe all of the various people from Asian countries. That being said,I am an American, not Asian-American as some people want to call me. I was born and raised in the U.S. so I am an American. My grandparents are Japanese, when they became citizens in the U.S. they were actual Asian-Americans. When in Japan with friends I am amazed at how Japanese men love fair haired American women with blue eyes and are tall. It is exotic to them. I have dated men of all races. All people are humans and they are all very different. People of all races posess varying traits and skincolor does not determine culture. I sickens me to hear people make ridiculous statements such as "He is trying to be black" Black isn't a culture, it is a color. Your culture is that of where you live and grow. ANyway, to the topic, I want to date people that want to date ME, not a race. Liking soemone because of race is as awful as disliking someone for it. I have had many men tell me that Asian women are supposed to be smaller on the inside so they are more sexually pleasing, but I wouldn't want to date anyone interested in that nonsense ( also,it isn't true). I always avoid men that I discover have had other girlfriends of Asian descent, I won't date them becuase they are probably Asian chasers. Most women find men wanting to date women of Asian background exclusively a disgusting breed. Whatever happened to liking people for themselves?

[Michael Lee]

Actually I have a web site that just deals with the topic of Asian male sexuality and masculinity.

As as someone who lives in Europe, I can say Asian males enjoy the same "fetish" attention from gorgeous Europeans females as many Asian women enjoy in the U.S.

It's almost surreal when you often have Dutch blondes and French brunettes throwing themselves at your solely because you're Asian, not knowing anything about you.

[momentofclarity]

Yes, the 20 percent who say "race doesn't matter" likely prefer white, AS WELL AS many of the ones who say they prefer asian men.

It's EXTREMELY taboo for asian women to SAY they prefer white men, yet many will breach this taboo and pursue white men. That's just commentary on the depth and strength of the racial complex that many of them have.

Some say white men have a fetish for asian women, when in reality, it's the EXACT other way around: many, many asian women have a fetish for white men. White men are just getting while the getting's good, like any other men would do.

[Priceless]

LOL white women throwing themselves at asian guys, priceless. Short, Weak, and Ugly yeah sounds real attractive.Asian minority even more of a laugh, billions of you asians and you have the nerve to say minority cry us a river martin luther chang. But i'm glad to hear asians are complaining about being a minority in AMERICA, blacks were hogging it all up. Also color has nothing to do with race, I have met black muslims that did not have the negro features and Albino negros that had all the features of a negro just white skin. Personally I think Asians would be still in the feudal age if it wasn't for European trade, and Africans still in huts with spears.

[kublakhan]

Sounds like "priceless" is another limp dicked cracker who wandered off Stormfront. LOL I guess crackers like him get a little bitter when black, asian, and latin guys get all the glory and women.

Oh, and I was stationed in Germany and I can guarantee you that Swedish, Danish, German, Dutch, French, and all kinds of European women CHASE after any non-white guy. Europe = the colored man's paradise!!!

[sam]

I find this an interesting topic. It's really amazing reading how ignorant some people are. I'm an asian american male weighing in here. I dont know peoples age here but I assume its younger than me (36 yrs old). I grew up in a middle class white neighborhood, schools, etc. Most of my friends are white and I grew up not really knowing much about my parent's culture.

I experienced enough racism, hate, and ignorance from white boys growing up through high school, even college but I can happily say the ladies have always showed me love (irish, italian, columbian, jewish and other backgrounds). Its the 'image' that people think of that is negative, and alot of it is due to the media. It's just a fact that asians are a minority in this country and are under-represented in the media, and our people's attitude in the US has been to kinda keep quiet and dont cause a ruckus...try to blend in so ignore it.

I see all the time in commercials, asian women with white guys or speaking without any accent but anytime you see an asian male, he's got a thick accent, or there is some other subtle dig. The asian woman looks like a slut and the asian male doesnt exist. This portrayal is real, not imagined. Sometimes I wish more Asian countries would show as much subtle hate towards the white male just to put things in perspective.

Asians make up such a huge group that you really cant say they all do this or they are all like that. Here in the US, some come right off the boat and others come with a bankroll bigger than most will see in their life. Anyway, my view of why there are more white male/asian female relationships is that its most likely a combination of things. My experience is I have seen or heard the following:

They might be exposed to more white people so they date more white people.

Coming from poor and desperate situations in asia, some see this as their only way to a better life. (mail order bride).

Self-denial/hatred. A feeling of being an outsider and wanting to fit in to the majority, or a 'real' american, thus despising anything from their parent's culture.

Some come to the states because they do like white males and the image they see on tv, just like the white females going to Asia to meet an asian male. Just go to Japan and see...

Anyway, there are much more reasons to it. Like I said, the view changes depending on their situation. I know what white males like in Asian women as well. Asians look younger in general, some men think they are getting a submissive partner, some like anything exotic, and some just cant get a date with a white female so they turn to asian females. The last comment is not meant as a dig, but my own experience of what I've seen.

I think interracial relationships are all good since it should foster better relations as a whole in this country. What I dislike are the stereo-types placed on asian males and females. If half the asian females had any idea how white males view them (check out any 'guy' forum online), they'd be shocked.

I say if you dont like things, change them yourself.

[T'K Chong]

Who exactly is "Libertarian Man of Mystery"? Is he an Asian man in America? Is he a White man dating (or has dated) an Asian woman?

My understanding is that he is White. I want to know exactly how the Asian Gender Divide issue (Asian women vs. Asian men) is even relevant to him.